Leadership maturity

Many leaders are celebrated for being fo­cused on the bottom-line – burning the candle at both ends to achieve suc­cess. But such leaders also leave be­hind a trial of unhappy employees, motivated by fear and more driven to finding their next job than to improving their performance. Leaders who fail to bring maturity to their work cannot succeed in the long run because they alienate people.

Leigh and Maureen Bailey (hus­band and wife) have delineated three qualities and skills that contribute to effective leadership: maturity, versatility, and relationship-building ability.

• Maturity – the courage to commit to personal development, gain self-awareness and understand­ing, and make changes when they discover personal hindrances. They confront their fears and anxieties and are no longer driven by them, taking the time and energy to know and accept themselves. That requires commitment and hard work, and leads to real maturity.

• Versatility – the ability to learn complementary leadership styles. They push beyond their natural leadership styles to learn and use different (uncomfortable) styles. This versatility gives them greater capacity for guiding, influencing, and understanding.

• Relationship-building ability – the willingness to engage others to get results. They recognize the importance of achieving results and objectives through others. They invest in relationship building and coaching, making personal connec­tions that inspire trust and motivate others to do their best work. They are smart about teamwork and how their role as leader affects group dynamics.

When leaders have these assets they become great coaches and team-builders. Being grown-up helps them lead effectively.

Grown-up leadership

Genuine leaders practise grown-up leadership. Some leaders still act as if they are juveniles. They lose control of their emotions, keep a “me-first” mentality, bully others, or act dishonestly – forgetting Paul’s admonition in 1st Corinthians 13 verse 11. “When I was a child, I spoke like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I gave up childish ways” (ESV).

Unfortunately, there are people in key leadership positions who are stuck in immature behaviour patterns that sabotage their visions and make people jump the ship. “Some leaders procrastinate, feel crushed by their workload, cannot connect with people, struggle to contain their anger or frustration, act like they know it all, are jealous of the success of others, and cannot sustain meaningful, trusting rela­tionships. People should not have to deal with such infantilism.”

In contrast, working for a grown-up leader can be a dream, you give your best and feel fulfilled and appreciated. Grown-up leaders have worked hard to mature into healthy adults. They manage relationships with others, make workplaces feel positive, and motivate employees to increase productivity. Mature leaders – those who have a healthy sense of self-worth, a strong curiosity about people and things, and an acute awareness of both their own and others’ feeling – succeed by actively engaging employees, establish cre­ative and productive work environ­ments and achieving board room, bottom-line objectives as well.

The AAA Model for

change

Your personal beliefs stem from your experiences and relationships and create personal spectacles through which you view the world. These beliefs affect your thoughts and emotions. But many of them are unexamined, and so you may not perceive their impact. As you gain insight into your beliefs, you better understand the causes of the thoughts and emotions that keep you from achieving your goals.

Real, lasting change is gradual – a process, not an event that requires learning about your beliefs and overcoming those that create fric­tion. The Baileys suggest a personal change model (Awareness-Accep­tance-Action), which can help you make and sustain desired changes.

Picture the AAA model as being iterative. It suggests movement inward as you first seek awareness. In the acceptance stage, you gain perspective on yourself, enabling you to invest energy and move forward as you take action in your change-making stage.

• Awareness – awakening and learning. Many who choose to lead are high achievers who push themselves to accomplish goals and strive for personal excellence. Some even become compulsive in pur­suing achievement. But when high achievers are confronted with their deficiencies, and learn how those contribute to their shortcomings as leaders, their motivation to achieve often turns into harsh self-criticism. Through awareness we learn about our own behaviors.

• Acceptance – deter­mination and perspective. Accep­tance helps us become gentler with ourselves by teaching us to detach, step back, and see more objectively. We move beyond embarrassment and guilt and realise that there are more productive alternatives to our bothersome behaviours. By recog­nising the choices, we can make, we see how outmoded behavior keeps us from being our best selves. And we learn how we can change. Acceptance means learning more about yourself, your beliefs, and your actions.

• Action – investing ener­gy to make changes. Now it is time to investigate other ways of behav­ing and to break those old, ineffec­tive habits. As we experiment with new behaviors, we develop strategies to enhance strengths and to deal with weaknesses. In short, we take action to grow up as individuals and leaders. Action requires energy to do something new, to experiment, and to consider changes from the inside out.

The AAA Model requires you to actively set new goals, seek ways to behave differently, acknowledge discomfort, and use your energy to take new challenges to continue your progress. People who emerge from the AAA process make real changes in their work, careers, and lives. When we learn, think, and act mindfully, instead of habitually, we gain confidence and achieve results. Only then can we begin to create and sustain productive individual and team relationships.

Accommodator and

intimidator

There are also different types of people, whose styles look dra­matically different in leadership positions. Most people lean in one of two directions: (a) a complaint person who is comfortable with an empowering approach: Accommo­dator; and (b) a more aggressive person who tends to use a forceful approach: Intimidator. Both styles result from your upbringing, experi­ences, and preferences.

Accommodators consider the need of others before they act. They play by the rules, seek the approval of others, and avoid confrontation when possible. “As leaders, they em­power others to act: they prefer to see others, rather than themselves, in the limelight.” Intimidators share their ideas and opinions – some­times blurting them out, interrupt­ing, or speaking over others. “They stand for what they believe and challenge others who disagree with them. They prefer a forceful style.” Each of us can gain effectiveness by learning how and when to lead using the “other” type’s style.

If you invest in this development process and measure your success in small accomplishments, gradually building awareness, acceptance, and action, overtime these small success­es will have big impacts, on yourself, and colleagues, and other circles of your influence.

BY CAPT SAM ADDAIH (RTD)