Winner’s edge: Self-dimension

The real winners in the game of life have developed an attitude of SELF-DIMEN­SION, the last ele­ment of Winner’s Edge by Dr. Denis Waitley. These winners look beyond themselves for meaning in life and put itall together as a total person.

Although a total person who has been fully actualised has never been born, it is important to gain perspec­tive on ourselves in life and look at the big, full circle rather than putting all the pressure on onepoint.

One of the finest definitions of complete happiness is the definition given by an anonymous Greek, who said, “Happiness is the exercise of one’s vital abilities along lines of excellence in a life that affords them scope.”

Fulfillment or success has been defined as the progressive realization of goals that are worthy of the indi­vidual. It seems that you are happy and successful in life if you are doing your thing, you know specifically what your thing is, and that which you are doing earns you the respect of other people, because what you are doing benefits other people as well as yourself.

One of the most fundamental and important aspects of perspective and self-dimension in developing the critical attitude for success called the Winner’s Edge is in understanding the necessity for human purpose. The human system is teleological, or goal-seeking, by design.

Given random thoughts, or fixed on unrealistic goals too far out of sight, the human system, like a hom­ing torpedo, will wander aimlessly around its world until it wears itself out, or until it self-destructs. The real losers in lifeare people who let life happen to them.

They wander aimlessly around,just getting through the day, trying to indulge themselves in some new fad or pleasure. Or they simply self-destruct because of their inability tocope with the chang­ing environment and changing fortune.

SURVIVORS ARE ACCOUNTABLE TO LIFE

Perhaps more than any other authority on human behavior, Viktor Frankl brings us knowledge that is first hand and that springs from objective evaluations of destitute humans living with the daily probability of death. These experiences enabled him to make a sharp departure from the theories of Sigmund Freud.

For example, Freud taught that individuals differed in outlook and attitude while healthy, but that if humans were deprived of food, their behavior would become more and more uniform as they resorted to the level of their basic “animal-like” instincts.

But, Frankl states, “In the con­centration camps, we witnessed to the contrary; we saw how, faced with the identical situation, one man degenerated while another attained virtual saintliness.”

He noticed that men and women were able to survive the trials of starvation and torture when they had a purpose for their existence.

Those who had no reason for staying alive died quickly and easily. The ones who lived through Auschwitz – the concentration camp (about one in twenty) were almost without exception individ­uals who had made themselves accountable to life.

There was something they wanted to do or a loved one they wanted to see. In the death camps, inmates told Frankl that they no longer expected anything from life.

He would point out to them that they had it backward: “Life was expecting something of them. Life asks of every individual a contribution, and it is up to that individual to discover what it should be.”

HAVE A DREAM

The response to the chal­lenges of life—purpose—is the healing balm that enables each of us to face up to adversity and strife. Where there is life, there is hope. Where there are hopes, there are dreams.

Where thereare vivid dreams repeated, they become goals. Goals become the actionplans and game plans that winners dwell on in intricate detail, knowing that achievement is almost automatic when the goal becomes an inner commitment.

For many people, getting through the day is their goal and, as a result, they generate just enough energy and initia­tive to get through the day.

“Having no goals of their own, they sit in a semi-stupor night after night with tunnel vision and watch TV actors and actresses enjoying themselves earning money, pursuing their careers and their goals,” Dr Denis Waitley laments.

Since we become what we think of most of the time, whatever we are thinking of now, we are unconsciously moving toward the achievement of that thought. For an alcohol­ic, this could be the next drink. For a drug addict,the next fix. “Divorce, bankruptcy, and illness are all goals spawned out of negative attitudes and habit patterns.”

We all have the potential and the opportunity for success in our lives. It takes just as much effort and energy for a bad life as it does for a good life.

And yet, millions of us lead un­happy, aimless lives, existing from day to day, year to year, confused, frustrated, in a prison of our own making. Losers are people who have never made the decision that could set them free. They have not decided what to do with their lives, even ina free society. They go to work to see what happens. And you know what happens?

They spend their entire time making someone else’s goals come true.

The Winner’s Edge in self-di­mension is to have a worthy des­tination and look beyond yourself for meaning in life. The greatest example of self-dimension a winner can display is the quality of earning the love and respect of other human beings.

Dr Waitley reiterates that winning does not mean standing victoriously over a fallen enemy. Self-dimension is extending a strong hand to one who is reach­ing or groping or is just trying to hang on.

Winners create other winners without exploiting them. They know that true immortality for the human race is when a caring, sharing person helps even one other individual to live a better life.

LISTEN TO THE

NEEDS OF OTHERS

The greatest communication skill of all is in paying value to others. That means really listening to others, asking questions, drawing the other person out, asking for examples, asking them to put it in other words, and feeding back for clarity and understanding.

This skill of paying value to others, or creating other winners, is called the “I will make him glad he talked with me” attitude. This great idea is so simple, it is almost deceptive. We have to examine it carefully to under­stand how it works and why.

The “I will make him glad he talk­ed with me” attitude is one that can become a whole way of life. When a successful individual faces another person his attitude is service-orient­ed, not self-oriented.

His concern is for the other person, not himself. When we have someone else’s interest at heart, not just our own, the other person can sense it. He may not be able to put into words why he feels that way, but he does. On the other hand, people get an uneasy feeling when they talk with a person who has only his own interests in mind and not theirs.

The true winners see their total person in such a fully-formed per­spective that they literally become part of the big picture of life. They have learned to know themselves intimately.

They have learned to see them­selves through the eyes of others. They have learned to feel one with nature and the universe. They have learned to be aware of time, their opportunity to learn from the past, plan for the near future, and live as fully as possible in the present.

The Winner’s Edge in self-dimension is to have a worthy destination and look beyond yourself for meaning in life. The greatest example of self-dimension a winner can display is the quality of earning the love and respect of other human beings.

BY CAPTAIN SAM ADDAIH
RTD